


Powder

by Noaboa



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood, EmotionallyHurt!Dean, EmotionallyHurt!Sam, F/M, Hurt, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt!Sam, hurt!Dean, hurt!reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:30:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9181948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noaboa/pseuds/Noaboa
Summary: When a mysterious woman surprises the Winchesters, Y/N is somehow taken away, leaving the Winchesters to deal with her absence.





	1. Chapter 1

We were happy. That’s always how it starts. We were happy, something happened, now we’re all miserable. Simple as a hunt gone wrong or somebody losing a lot of blood, or a small fight between brothers. Happy now, sad later. If I knew it was going to happen, why didn’t I just enjoy the small, joyful moments?

I had forgotten how long I had been with the Winchesters. Long enough to forget, long enough to miss count the years, long enough to not care. I had forgotten how old I was, how long I had been in the same bed with Sam, I had forgotten everything… and that was alright with me.

It started with me, cutting off the head of a vampire. We had found a nest and were about to finish destroying it, when I saw a woman standing in a doorway, watching us fight. No vamps went for her, they all seemed to avoid her. Sam and Dean were off getting the last three when the woman started walking towards me. I dropped my machete and pulled out my gun, aiming it at her. She just smiled, blew some powder in my face,making me fall to my knees. I coughed and sputtered, but when I looked up, she was gone.

“Y/N.” Sam called. I could hear him running towards me, so I stood up and grabbed my machete. “What’s wrong? What happened?” Sam asked, brushing the hair out of my face. “There was a woman here. She blew something in my face and then left.”

“Are you feeling weird? Like you need to kill us or something?” Dean asked, watching me and everything around us. “No,” I answered. “I just feel like I have dust on my face.”  
“Maybe it didn't work. “ Sam offered. I nodded, getting the rest of my face wiped off. 

 

It was a day until I saw her again. She burst into the motel room, a wide smile on her face. Dean was out grabbing food and Sam was just getting out of the shower. The door banged, I grabbed my gun and Sam rushed out of the bathroom, where nothing but a towel.

“My, my, can I get a little peak?” She giggled, looking Sam up and down. He shifted awkwardly, trying to rearrange his towel. I cocked my gun.  
“Not yours.” I spat through gritted teeth. “What do you want?”

“Why, you of course.” She smiled to me, eyeing Sam still. “Your powder didn’t work on me.”

“Not yet it didn’t. I missed a part.” SHe responded. “What part?” Sam asked, becoming more courageous as he air dried.

“You’ll see. I’ll be coming to collect you soon, lovelies. I’m just gonna do this quick-” SHe blew white sand around the room and suddenly I couldn’t move. Out of the corner of my eyes, Sam couldn’t either.

“Now, I’m gonna pick you up in a couple days. Here, I’m going to set your watch, just so you remember.” She grabbed my wrist and fiddled with my watch for a second. “Then I’m gonna grab a little look here.”

She practically pounced over to Sam and the vein in his temple throbbed as he tried to move. She moved the towel for a second, looking down at him and she gasped, covering up her mouth.

“My, my. Your reputation proceeds you, little Winchester. Or should I say, Big Winchester.” Sam was so red in the face with effort to move, but she just waved at us. “Tata for now!”

Then she was gone, but my finger on the trigger didn’t stop as the bullets shot past Sam. He ducked quickly before anything hurt him.

“Jesus, Y/N.” Sam cried before Dean came crashing through the door. He looked us both once over before raising his eyebrows.

“I was gone for like two minutes. Please wait for a longer period of time! I don’t want yo know you kid’s little kinks.”


	2. Chapter 2

“She’ll be back soon.” I said quietly, looking out the window. Sam and Dean were cleaning their guns, their handcuffs, anything to stop it from happening. I knew this was all they knew, just habit to protect, but something was different about this time. Like I wouldn’t come back for some reason. Of course, this made me depressed, and I tried to stay strong for the both of them, but all I could do to hide it was sit quietly, staring at the window, watching my fate tick with time past me.

We all slightly jumped when my watch beeped. I had forgotten she had timed it for the exact moment she wanted me ready. I looked from the watch to the boys and they just stared at my wrist, stock still, frozen with poker faces. They had done this a million times, so why was it different?

 

My stomach twisted as my body moved itself. I moved away from the window and towards Sam, knowing he would know what I needed most at this moment. Both brothers jumped up and backed away.

“Y/N, stop.” Dean growled. “Don’t do this.” I didn’t remove my gaze from Sam. I was remembering everything of his. His hair, his smell, his clothes. His hair was frazzled, but it always looked like that before something big happened. He smelled like sweat, but it was sweet, attuned to my nose. That’s how I knew I loved him, when he came home smelling wonderful, no matter what. Then his clothes. He was wearing dark pants with a white undershirt that poker out beneath his black shirt. These were covered by a lighter jacket that was almost too small for him, just like everything else.

Then I looked at his eyes and it was my turn to freeze. He was crying. He had never cried the entire time i knew him. He would always mask it with pain or become stony, trying not to show his emotion, but he sat there with two tears streaming down his cheeks. He looked defeated. His shoulders sagged, his knees brought him down to my level, his hands dropping everything in them. It was heartbreaking, seeing the strongest person I knew defeated.

“Please.” He whispered. I started brokenly into his hazel eyes, trying to find a way out, but intuition told me to say my last goodbye. “Please, don’t.”

If the situation were different, if I didn’t think I might ever come back, I would have fallen to my knees then and there, letting them fight the last fight to see if the stranger would take me. But I thought I was coming back, I thought I would see them again, so I stepped forward and grabbed ahold of Sam, wrapping my arms around him. His head instantly dropped to my shoulder in defeat. My stomach had my heart, eating it away. I could feel no tears, nothing that would have made me seem not as strong as I felt, but nothing was there. I just closed my eyes, remembering everything. His smell, the feel of his skin, his stubble against my neck, the tears soaking through my shirt. I loved Sam with all my heart, but I thought I was coming back.

He finally moved after the moment ended, but I grabbed ahold of his hips, making him stop still. I had never held him like this, but he was my rock for this moment, and if he moved, then everything would have crumbled. I should have let him move. He should have moved.

Then it was over. The moment was gone and everything was released. I looked up at him, his tear stained face about to dry. He held his composure now, like every other time and I hated it. I was about to say something when his hands came up and his lips came down, crashing into my own. His hands pulled my head closer to him, needing the touch of my skin on his.

The kiss wasn’t rough, nor was it filled it with need. It was just two lips coming together, bringing the feeling of love without any desire between the two people. It was unlike anything he had done to me or I to him, but it seemed like the right kiss to say goodbye. I broke away first, the world swimming. I didn’t feel happy or sad, just that I had more goodbyes to say and this goodbye was over. I thought I would be back.

I looked to Dean, who was angry. His body was stiff, his face held no emotion but pure rage. He held a gun in his hand, and when I got closer to him, he held it up in defense. I didn’t act surprised because I knew this was Dean, Sammy’s big brother.

“I kill things who have hurt me less.” He pushed through his gritted teeth. I held my composure as I walked straight into the gun, the barrel at my chest. I could see him breaking underneath his anger. “I vowed when I was ten to kill anything who hurt my brother. Anything. And you are the one who has hurt him the most. Not even the man who killed our mother could hurt him this bad.” He then broke, his voice cracking. “I should… kill… you where you stand.”

“Dean…” I called to him quietly, moving the gun out of my way. He didn’t take any actions to stop me as I wrapped my arms around him. I knew he wasn’t going to cry, but I knew that at the hitch of his breath he was trying to be strong for his baby brother. 

As the Winchesters gained a new person, it had always been the same dynamic. Sam was mine and I was Sam’s. It had always been just in when it came to the physical love, to the undenying love. But Dean and I needed each other. Sam was my rock and in turn, I was Dean’s. That's why Dean had always been Sam’s rock, why he could never cry. You had to be an unmovable force. That’s how it always was.

We broke apart far too early for either of us. He leaned down and gave me a much needed kiss on my cheek as a thanks for all the years. I finally broke and smiled up at him before turning.  
“Y/N, I-” Sam stared, but he was cut off as the window in the glass broke. It was the strange woman, finally come for me. Sam and Dean jumped for their guns, but they were thrown to the nearest wall. Dean tried to reach for his gun, but they all were swept far from each brother.

“Don’t hurt them.” I cried out. The woman turned to me. “Please, I’ll go quietly. Just, please, don’t hurt them.”

The woman almost seemed to laugh. “TO be honest, I thought there would be more of a fight from you Winchesters, but apparently, you just had to strike the right cord.” At the word strike, a pair of handcuffs came crashing down on my wrists hard, making me wince. They Were tethered by a long chain that the woman was holding. I tried to wriggle my way out of them, but they were too tight. I looked to Sam, just out of habit and I saw him not reaching for a gun like Dean would have, but towards me. His long arms were as far as the woman would let him, his hand holding something. His expression was desperate for me to have whatever was in his hand.

“As heartbreaking as this scene may be, I need little Y/N here, so if you boys don’t mind… tata!” She dropped the boys as she yanked at my chain, pulling me towards the window. I never took my eyes off Sam as he scrambled to get to me, and I tried to pull at my chains, but nothing would help. He held out his hand before she could yank me closer to the window and he slipped the thing in his hand into my pocket. With such a close action, he tried to grab around my waist to pull me back, but I was pulled away, making him fall to the ground with a groan.  
I suddenly became scared. Not only had the boys not stopped her, or myself for that matter, but she was pulling me towards the window, which I had forgotten was on the fifth floor. How she burst through it before was a surprise to me that I had not thought of. Was she going to just kill me by letting me fall? I looked up at her to see her floating in the air, like a cartoon over a cliff right before they looked down. No wings or anything, just standing there, smirking down at me. She tugged and I fell onto the window sill and with one more tug from my chain, I was over the edge and falling.

I closed my eyes, thinking about my amazing life. Pain and sadness filled it, but there were happy moments too, between the three of us. I felt myself smiling as I was about to hit the ground, but I was yanked back up by my chain and I was floating, like she was. I caught my breath and started to choke, needing my oxygen.

“What the hell-” I cried before we were suddenly, somehow, flying away from the window. I looked back one more time before we were too far from the hotel, only to see Sam and Dean not trying to shoot the strange, floating, flying woman, but instead looking down at the ground where I almost hit the ground. I could hear Sam screaming my name while Dean tried to keep his brother from falling out of the window itself. It was only a second I saw of my family before I was ripped away.


	3. Chapter 3

When I used to ride in the Impala, Dean would drive so fast that the bug on his windshield would survive because it would be like he drove through them so fast, their body split to make room for him and then reattach at the end of the car. Safe to say that the bugs currently residing on my face as we flew through the air did not do that. Every ten seconds I had to spit something out because it crawled through my nose and I couldn't even open my eyes because my eyelids were the only things stopping the bugs from hitting my eyeballs. After what seemed like hours, the bugs stopped hitting me and I tried to wipe everything off on my shoulders to open my eyes and see that we were descending.

We hit the ground lightly, like an an angel walking down a staircase from heaven. When my feet hit the pavement, I felt my knees collapse at all the current events. I thought I would be alright. I thought I would see Sam again. Why did it feel like my existence was nothing more than a little girl chained to some strange woman.

I felt a tugging from my handcuffs and looked up at the woman. She was pulling me towards a motel, having not noticed that it was completely pitch black out. I glared at her as I did not move from my knees. She groaned when I would not move and yanked at the chain, making me fall face first on the gravel. From here, she did not let me get up, but simply pulled me across the loose rock, making my arms, face and torso become scraped up and from the warm, wet feeling, I knew I was bleeding in various places. The curb of the sidewalk came up and I ground my teeth in preparation to smack my head on it. I hit it very hard, hearing something crack and the warm liquid spilling from there too. I was pulled up onto the sidewalk and was tied to something as I kept my eyes shut in the pain. I hear a bell from a door being open tickle twice as I sat there. Soon she was yanking your chain again, making me open my eyes to make myself not trip again. She led me to the room 12, unlocked it, pulled me into it before locking it again and shoving me towards the bathroom. 

“Shower. Ten minutes only. Get the stink off of you.” She unlocked the cuffs, slammed the door and I just stood there for a moment, thinking about this entire night. I looked down at my clothes and noticed that the bugs on my face were exactly like the bugs on my shirt; smashed and bloodied. I stripped and turned on the water, letting the hot, low pressure water wash over me, allowing me to think properly.

The day had started off with that woman chasing us, warning us about her actions. Sam and Dean struggling to mask your steps by renting not motel rooms, but hotels, just trying to reach the bunker. When the time came up short, we prepared. We had no idea what was coming. Whether it was her with her odd abilities like a demon but somehow could fly was something we knew nothing of. So we stocked salt and silver bullets and just prepared ourselves.

I thought about how willing I let myself become taken by her. I remember she blew something into my face when we first met, but I thought it would have worn away by then. Apparently, the brothers had no idea that the spell must have worked, so they just thought I was wanting to be rid of them.

I sunk down and leaned up against the wall. I beat myself up inside as I watched the blood from my body flow down the drain. How could I be so stupid to let myself be taken? How could I just give in? I left them all alone, I hurt them beyond compare. They loved me with everything they had and now here I sit, betraying them. I remembered Sam’s broken face, how each tear glistened on his cheek. I let my own masquerade fall, the tears spilling, mixing with the water. I know now that I would never return to them, and somehow that made me calm. My brain was telling me that I would go back to them, but my heart was telling that I wouldn’t. So I made up my mind, then and there in that shower as the water turned cold. My turn to fight.

 

I emerged from the bathroom in my tank top and underwear only, my pants and shirt drying in the shower. I had washed them in the sink. The woman was polishing the handcuffs as she turned to me.

“That was fifteen minutes.” She commented, turning back to her polishing. “Ten minutes for shower, five minutes to clean my clothes.” I responded, looking around the room to find something to knock her out with.

“Well I’m not a stickler for being punctual. Hence why I was late to pick you up earlier. But, I did not mind the little show you three played out for me. Such a sad scene too. Almost made me shed a tear.”

She was mocking me. She was mocking our pain. My anger grew and grew with each little rise of her tone before I suddenly snapped. I grabbed the lamp from the wall, ripped out the socket and swung at her. She seemed to be ready because she turned as I was about to smack her head when she blew the same colored powder into my face, making me freeze.  
“Drop it.” She said, holding out her hand. I instantly did so, letting my only weapon drop into her hands before she flung it into the wall, making it shatter.  
“There. Now is all your spirit gone? I truly ope so, because i would really like to take a shower as well.”

I felt my knees crumble again. I stared at the floor, willing for the powder to wear off. “Now, hold up your hands. Good girl.” She cooed as I did what she asked. She cuffed my hands once again and lead me over to the second bed where she chained me up. I just stared at the ceiling hoping my metabolism would cycle through this powder quicker than it did before.   
“I’ll only be ten minutes.” With that, she was gone in the bathroom. I twisted and pulled at my cuffs, trying to get myself out of the predicament, so the cuffs were too tight. I noticed that the chain was extremely loose and I tried to wriggle it free or at least move around, but the chain let me go to the edge of the bed and no further. Soon, she was out of the bathroom and my efforts were thwarted.

“What are you?” I asked, staring at her back. I couldn’t notice anything different about her to be a monster. “I’m a witch.” She Stated, shifting through her clothes and took out a hoodoo sack. She placed it under my pillow with a smile before turning back to her own bed. “Why does a witch need me?” I asked.

“I don’t.” She replied simply. “Then who hired you? How much are you getting paid? How do you have powers like a demon?” She simply shrugged before turning to look at me.  
“The Winchesters stole something from me a long time ago. Someone very dear to me.” SHe got up and hopped up on my bed, climbing over me. I became very uncomfortable, wondering what this woman had in her crazy mind. “So I thought, maybe I’ll steal something of theirs.” She slipped her hand around to my ass and shoved her hand into my back pocket. She pulled out the thing that Sam had placed in there before I fell. She didn’t let me see it before she placed it on my finger. I craned my neck to see it. “So I just stole a Winchester. There are easiest things to do, but with past events, it was so worth it.”

It was a small, thin ring. I was made of wood, shaved a polished to fit my finger. My heart fluttered for a second. It was the most, simple, precious thing I had ever seen and Sam gave it to me. Whether there was certain messages he was trying to send or if it was just a promise, place around my left hand’s ring finger made me suddenly feel sick. I just walked away from him. I said goodbye and this is how he says his. He loved me and I crushed him. Dean even said it was so. I wanted to just cry, but my rage boiled instead. I looked to her, eyes wild as she suddenly blew in my face with a midnight blue powder. Instantly, I was sleepy, my head falling as she laughed in my face.


	4. Chapter 4

It was an odd dream I had. It was Sam, sitting at the table at the hotel we were at. His face was puffy, cheeks red. He looked tired, exhausted. Dean slid into the picture, handing Sam a small cup with whiskey in it. Sam knocked it back as Dean sat down at the other end of the table. Sam made a face.

“You watered it down?” Sam asked, looked lazily to Dean. Dean didn’t speak. “Give me another.” Sam said. Dena didn’t move. Sam grew angry. “Another!”

“No!” Dean shouted. “You can’t do this. You’ve already have had more than I. You’ll give yourself alcohol poisoning. I understand your mourning-”

Suddenly Sam leap over the table, ripping the bottle from Dean’s hands before falling to the floor. Dean sat in his chair, seemingly unfazed as he stared past his little brother. Sam was trying to catch his breath while on all fours. Behind Sam was a large bundle of cloth laid out on the floor. Blood soaked through the sheets at different places. Sam looked over, his hair in his exhausted face, staring at the blanket. He crawled over to it, took a swig of the whiskey before throwing it off somewhere where the bottle shattered. Sam picked up the cloth and pulled it close. Dean just sat there, staring as his little brother quietly sobbed over the cloth. On the table sat one cup with just a shot of the liquor. It was set out for the missing face at the table, now hidden under the cloth.

 

I woke up with a start. The dream was fading fast, but my heart was still racing. I looked around the blacken room. I sound see the witch’s outline by the moonlight, softly asleep in her bed. I looked at the nightstand where the alarm clock sat, which stated 3 am. I leaned back on the pillow, trying to calm my heart. I craned my neck to look at my finger again, hoping this all wasn’t real. I saw the small ring and my heart dropped. It was all real. The dream felt like I was there. Who was under the blanket. Did they think I-

I had to get back. No more powder, nothing. I needed to get back to the Winchesters. So I came up with a plan. Quietly and carefully, I wound the chain around my neck three times. I made sure it covered my pulse and placed my hands behind my head so she wouldn’t grab my wrists. THen I let myself slide off the bed as much as I could.

I instantly felt my air being cut off. My legs were dangling off the bed and I subconsciously struggled to get away. The witch woke up instantly. She looked around sleepily until she noticed me, my face turning blue. She jumped out of her bed, but my failing had stopped, my body becoming motionless.

“Oh, shit, no, no, no.” The witch muttered as she unlocked the handcuff. She tried to feel my pulse but the chains covered it, so she unwrapped the chains, letting me slide onto the floor. She checked my pulse, a nd froze.

“What the hell?” She whispered. My eyes snapped open and I smiled at her. “Gotcha!” I grabbed the chain, wrapped it around her own neck. She struggled to breathe as I cuffed her hands. I massaged my neck and tried to slow my heart as I went through her spells kit and found the one I was looking for. It was gold with a hint of pearl inside. 

I pulled at her chain and tied her to the bed just like she had done to me. She could finally breathe, but when she did, I threw the powder in her face. SHe instantly sagged.

“Why did you take me?” It took a moment, but the truth spell started to work. “They killed my mother, a long time ago.”

“Ok, but why did you come after me?”

“You were the weakest link.”

“What do they think happened to me?” She struggled not to answer, for she knew this would decide her fate.

“What do they think happened?” I screamed. I punched her in the face out of habit, making her spit out blood.

“They think you fell. They think I made you fall to your death. They shot at me, making them think they killed me. They think we're both dead so they wouldn’t follow me. They found you on the ground, your skull cracked open. You died on impact.”

I sat back, rubbing my sore knuckles. That would explain the dream. Why they haven’t come looking. WHy they didn’t see me after I fell.

“You bitch!” I screamed and I started punching her until my knuckles bled. Leaving her, not knowing if she was alive or dead, I grabbed clothes and her spell kit. I found the right   
ingredients, making the spell and left the room without looking back. Soon, the entire motel was up in flames. I stole a car, and drove, trying to find my way back to the hotel. Hopefully, they would still be there.

 

It took a couple hours, but I found the motel, the crime scene tape around the front door. Knowing The boys wouldn’t stay for this while they were mourning, I headed towards Kansas to the bunker.

It took a couple of days to get there and I was exhausted, but the stolen food and my adrenaline to get home kept me awake. I was relieved to see the impala sitting outside, but her back doors were thrown open. Nobody had shut them. I jumped out of the car and looked around her, but it looked like the boys were already inside. I shut all the doors and walked down the stairs only to trip. I looked back to see the white cloth, no bloodstains, but now dirty, sitting the the stairs. Gathering it up, I cautiously moved into the bunker, noticing all the lights on and thing strewn everywhere. Chairs were thrown across the room and tables were upheaved. I became more cautious, wondering what the boys could have done to destroy the bunker more.

I made my way towards their rooms, only to enter the hallway and see Sam laying on the floor.

“Sam!” I cried and ran to him. I picked up his face and check his pulse. The giant was unconscious and his breath stank like liquor, but other than that he seemed fine. 

“Y/N?” A voice quietly said my name. I looked up to see Dean, sweating profusely and holding a shotgun to my head. “What are you doing here?”

“Dean, I’m back-”

“I can see you're back. That’s the problem!” Dean screamed at me, trying to wipe the seat away from his face. “We tried to talk to you. We tried praying, anything. You never answered. You’re not supposed to be here.” 

“Dean, what do you mean?” I asked, trying to get Sam up. Dean cocked the gun. “Don’t you dare touch him. You are supposed to be moved on. You’re supposed to be somewhere else. You can’t come back and haunt him. It’ll kill him!”

Dean shot, but I ducked, covering Sam’s face. I pulled out the witches spell kit, grabbed the midnight blue powder and flung it in his face. He dropped almost instantly.  
Flinging the gun away and running back to Sam, I opened his eyes to check him. 

“Come on, Sam. You’re going to be ok.” His eyes were moving, but there was an odd, thin layer of something over his eyes. I gasped, trying to rub his eyes with his eyelids closed, but nothing made their filmy substance go away. I dragged him into his room and struggled to lift him on the bed. Suddenly, he started to convulse, foam pouring from his mouth. “Sam?” I asked, wondering what was wrong. I looked around wondering if something the witch did to cause this. I suddenly reach under the pillow and pulled out a hoodoo sack. It instantly was incinerated in my hands, the other hoodoo sack burned to ashes with the witch.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam became still. His eyes still had that film over them, but he just sat there for a moment before he suddenly started screaming. I could tell he was in physical pain, because I had heard the screams before. From his nightmares… from hell. He started withering and I climbed ontop of him, pinning his arms down so he wouldn’t flail and hurn himself. The giant’s groans screams made my bones ache. Tears started pouring from my eyes when I heard a metal clink. 

Dean was awake, somehow, and was now handcuffing Sam to the bed. I looked Dean with confusion as he did Sam’s ankles and his other hand. Once he was done, he sat down in his chair, a gun at his side.

“Dean, what’s going on?” He just sat there, staring at Sam, watching him scream. “Dean, he needs help!” Still nothing. I cupped Sam’s face, trying to get him to look at me. This was worse than any of his dreams. “Sam, I’m here. I’m right here, Sam. Come back, please.”

“He can’t hear you.” Dean said, still staring. “Why not?” I asked.

“Do you remember him telling you how he let lucifer free?” He asked. I nodded. “He drank demon blood because Ruby made him… to make him stronger.” I remembered.

“Yeah, well, when we had your body wrapped in a blood soaked blanket, and he had his fifth bottle, and to top it off, you weren’t answering in any ouija boards, he decided he couldn’t handle the world. He needed to go find you. The only way he thought he could make it through hell was if he drank demons blood and confronted Crowley.” Dean paused, closing his eyes. “He had four gallons before he stopped. I tried to tell him to stop. He was determined to get you back. He was determined to find you. And now, here you are.”

Sam’s screams were just groans now. I slid off of him and knelt in front of Dean. “You know I’m here, right, Dean? I’m right here.”

“Where were you?” He whispered, his eyes glistening. I grabbed his cold hands in my own. He closed his eyes at the touch. “We thought you were dead.” He choked.

“I’m not. The witch made a spell to have you think I was. To have me think I should have gone with her. Dean, I am so sorry.”

He didn’t say anything. He just kept his eyes closed, the tears falling. I rested my forehead on his knee, wondering when this would all stop.  
“It suites you.” Dean whispered. I could feel him thumbing my ring. “Yeah, it does.” I whispered back.

 

It took three more days for Sam to become sober. He was now stripped down to his boxers only, the sweat pouring through the bed. When a day and a half had passed with him only being quiet, I convinced Dean to help me get him washed up. We half dragged, half carried him to a tub where Dean let us be. I let the water pour over him and climbed in myself to get the soap everywhere. Sam was now shivering, the water becoming cold. Not knowing exactly what to do, I laid myself down on his chest, letting the water drain away.

I was so scared since everything happened, and I felt selfish for doing so, but I took his arms and wrapped them around my own body, trying to comfort myself. Then, I could feel warm tears on my scalp.

“Please tell me that I’m dead.” I heard Sam whisper. “That is the only way for this pain to go away.” I shifted, looking up at him. His eyes were those hazel grey that I loved and his cheeks were nice and warm. He looked so tired with bags under his eyes and his lips chapped.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, tears running down my own cheeks. “I’m sorry for everything.” Sam slowly wiped the tears from my eyes. “I just want to be dead. With you. I want to be happy again. Please,” His voice cracked. I could see the pain behind his eyes. He was so tired. This must be his only option he thought he had.

“Sam, I’m right here. We’re not going anywhere.” I whispered. He wrapped his arms around me again and we both just cried in each others pain. I just wanted to be happy again.


End file.
